Persistence

I breathe, but not to breathe.

I drink, but not to drink.

I let the cold numb my fingers

The sweat dry from my body

The chill seep through my tissue,

But not to wait for warmth.

I walk, but without destination.

I eat, but not for pleasure.

I live, but only to live, to live.

I am because I am, because I must be.

acorns

Tiny miracles make me remember why I smile my way through life.

Yesterday two women came into Nomad Ventures to try on climbing shoes. We chatted about shoes, harnesses, and the best places to climb. It turns out that these women hadn't been outside much; only to Joshua Tree.
I tried to shame them into climbing outdoors more and to get out of their plastic gyms. The taller woman paused as she was putting on a shoe, turned the shoe upside down, and out fell an acorn. One solitary, browned acorn.
"Wait... did that come out of the shoe?"
"Yeah. What is it?"
I gaped in disbelief: "It's an acorn. You know, from an oak tree?"
"I've never seen an acorn. I didn't even know that acorns came from oak trees. I thought this was one of those moisture-absorbing things they put in shoes."

How did this acorn get into a 5.10 climbing shoe box? How was it that I managed to bring out this shoe to this woman who had never seen an acorn before? How do people not know that acorns are from oak trees?

I smiled.
"You can keep that as a reminder to get outside more often. Go climb outside!"
My job at Camp Cuyamaca seems more important to me than usual now.

Frozen Washes

There is something particularly breath-taking about walking over a frozen wash in the Wonderland of Rocks area in Joshua Tree National Park. Ice groans and snaps underfoot; sand is glued together to form an unintended sculpture. Gray fox prints are filled in with hail. He sees me and glides over the rocks to a safe distance.

What is it about this place that is so magical that I am drawn back to it again and again? Each time I return I find another reason to smile; another memory is made that I will not soon forget.

The faces of climbers who live to be on the rock; the choir of coyotes at two in the morning; the never-failing falling stars; the ache in my limbs as I crawl into my sleeping bag after a day of climbing: what more could I ask for than this?

Someone to share it with for the rest of my life.

Another Year

"Be the change you want to see in the world." - Mohandas Gandhi

"Belief without action is the ruin of the soul." - Edward Abbey

I have a some resolutions on my mind. I have a few new goals that I've set before me. I used to be resolute and sure. Now I'm not sure if I am resolute.

There is only one way to find out.

Here's to the New Year and my new determination!!

winter

winter is closer

it is the lack in my breath

all things that I tried to define

are lost in grey, the fog

because I am jumping now

into a

because I cannot define this

any longer

any longer and I

would simply become

a

and that's now who I am.

So for the both of us,

all my love.

And thank you.

Fear Less

I thought I was fearless.

But now sounds in the night make me jump.

The words "ground fall" and "decking" make my skin crawl.

Either I am getting older

or I am losing track of who I am.

Who's keeping track, anyway?

My Mountain

Halo around a naked pine

As I am surrounded,

Just as bare,

By musings: No end.

No beginning.

I want to sit here

And fall with the ice

As it trembles tumbles down the side

Of this mountain.

Now that I am here

I can see from the Salton's blue to

The cool of Idyllwild

To the islands of the Pacific.

All of my homes can be seen from here.

All of my childhood dreams can be

Remembered from here.

I've always looked to this point

From all those valleys below.

Now that I am here

I have a deeper understanding

[Appreciation

Admiration

Awe]

Of why I found strength

In this mountain.