Thursday, July 22, 2010

Writing Assignment from Doller's Class (Feb. 2009)

B.) Write a scene in which you slow down time (think Conroy & the yoyo, or Slater & her mom at the piano on New Year's); take one moment and DRAG it out so that it takes up a paragraph, a page...all for something that in real life would take about a second or a minute or two.


The snow gave way under my feet with a crunch and sigh. For each footprint I left, the snow hurried to fill the scar. I made my way to the edge, and braced myself as I looked over, looked down, and down. My eyes fell like a stone, bouncing from cliff’s ledge to the next, taking years to reach the bottom of the Grand Canyon. And when my eyes found the river’s edge, they rolled right in. Snowflakes tumbled above me, icy water flowed beneath me, and one night-black rook flew above me. I breathed in the moment, closing my eyes to save everything I saw. When I opened my eyes, brushing snow from my lashes, those first few seconds took flight, but left behind a feather in my mind’s eye.


G.) Write a completely TRUE paragraph. Now add the word "perhaps" at the beginning of every sentence.


Perhaps I fell for you when I saw you under your hood. Perhaps I felt it when I first saw your green-blue eyes. Perhaps I gave myself up for gone when you started calling me by my name. Perhaps our story began with a wrestling match, and we’ve been wrestling ever since. Perhaps we make it through these next few years, when we are apart more than together, if we make it then, we’ll make it forever. Perhaps dreaming is more than wishful thinking; perhaps it is willful thinking. Perhaps if we keep this up, we will never have to ask ourselves who we are—we’ll just know.


E.) If epilepsy is the metaphor, or Lie, which conveys the real person Lauren Slater IS (see p.162)...what is the LIE or METAPHOR which conveys the real person you are? Now take 10 minutes to write about it, as if this were real.


I live within a Lie that calls itself Society: where we walk the streets amongst a crowd of people who refuse to look up from the sidewalks. Where suit and tie strangle the once young and proud—strangling their sense of independence and need for adventure.

Society is a Lie I embrace. If I did not embrace society, I would run. If I allowed the Truth to set me free, if I stopped and looked at the sun and felt my worth beaming down on me, I would break. I would cut up my social security card, I would burn my birth certificate, and tear my credit cards apart with my teeth. I live with a Lie that keeps me on the roads between work and school, the streets between my divorced parents’ houses. This kind of life is limited. This Lie is limiting because my sense of conforming knowledge, as opposed to independent experience from which life is derived.

But Truth is a flame in the back of my mind, in the core of my being—it reminds me of that cabin in the woods where I would learn to be complete. I think about a rifle and ammunition which would translate into raw food—a match flickers—a warm meal. A cold stream for water: for bathing, for music to listen to when I rest my head on my arms and stare at the stars. To be lost in the unknown.

But Society throws its arm around my shoulders like a car-salesman and assures me this is the best one, this is a steal, this is what he would drive out of the car-lot. I nod, dumb and mute, because if I don’t, I’ll run from this Lie.

The Truth? The Truth is what scares me, it is who I really am.


Two in the Gninrom

Originally written March 26, 2009


Two in the gninrom. Mornings happen best at two.
I feel my head tilt back. Kcab to work before I fall asleep.
My eyes close, just for a second. Dnoces chances each time I wake up.
Another day, more assignments. Stnemngissa spackled across my calendar like walls.
But I’ve trained five years for this. Siht is why I will be graduating in a few months.
And yet, I’ve still so much to learn. Nrael to not close my eyes, tilt my head, when things are due.
Three in the gninrom. Morning everyone. Today I would like to present my assignment. . .

Thursday, July 15, 2010

365

I wonder just how many breaths I breathe; how many heartbeats this heart shudders with; when I blink, who is keeping count?

My days are racing by. I'll be a year older, soon. Then another year. Then another. Then. I'll be forty-four and looking back at my good ol' days.

So I'm taking back my youth. I am focusing in on my life. I may not change the world like this, but I might positively influence people in my wake. That would be enough: to put a smile on someone's face, to give them a new light, a new perspective.

And just for kicks, I will take my camera with me, too. A new project--one I've been meaning to undertake: take at least one photo a day. Every day. For a year. Starting on my birthday.

My sister, Courtney, has done this successfully. She can look back on every day and say, "Hey, I remember that!" for even the smallest of things.

I am determined to find the beauty and significance in even the most insignificant day, because there are no insignificant days. Because this is my life, that's why!

So! Cheers! Here's to my upcoming year of no less than 365 photographs, undoubtedly more than that, I'm sure.

Here's to life!

p.s.
180 Degrees South: Conquerors of the Useless

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Night Walking


Walked to Denny’s with Tyler and Jared tonight.

Flip flops on side walks. Street lights and humming telephone pole wires.

Three stars. One, two, haze.

Sprinkler stains on dilapidated fences. White and grey.

Cars race by--screaming, screeching. Loud.

The city is loud. Loud in my ears.



I brace myself against the abrasions.

Sounds cut like a hacksaw.


I feel alien. I feel alone. I know where I belong, yet

I fight against that urge. Fight against myself and what

I know is truth.

Why must it be about me?

Why can’t I be happy leading the normal life?

Why am I so selfish in my desires?


I sketch pictures of granite walls and blue-backdropped trees in my mind. A quite, contemplative scene where I can retreat and recall. There is peace in the quiet of my mind, the solitude of my recollection. In reflections. In memory. In sounds only I can hear.


A pack on my back. Boots on my feet. A ringed fire with the smell of burning pine. Dirt under my fingernails. Melted snow cascades and finds its way into my water bottle--sweeter than honey. The static lightning that flashes as I slide into my sleeping bag. Home.


But I’m not home, leastways not in the deepest sense of my meaning of “home.”


There must be others like me. But I hope not.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Thunderhowl

The call the call

The howl

The tear of clothes to hair too teeth gnash

No more orange clouds night!

No more no more stars!

Why why why?

And the thunder in my ears

Is the only truth I know

So no wonder why I run run

After my headsound as it thunderfades

Back.

Retreating to a place I cannot go

Want to go want to go cannot go.


It is the green of the shade, of the ground

of the air, of the moss on the side of the stream.

It is the blue of the sky, of the wind in the leaves

of the shade in the evening.

It is the white of the sun in the hot of the sky,

of the feathers of breast of the beat of the bird: Fly.


Why can’t I go

Why can’t I leave

Why can’t I howl

And clutch at the stars like

the sound in my head?

Neverend neverstop--the peace in the silence

of thundering with my howl.