The Humbling

Ryan tied me in at the first belay station on a tiny ledge about 190ft above the ground. The ground; it never spun like it does in movies, but it looked up at me and laughed a condescending laugh. My eyes wandered over the knots and carabiners that held me to the wall.

I have no reason to fear. I know this gear will hold me. I know that I am safe.

But Gravity has a way of mocking you like a five year old might: "You're gonna faaaall!"

My eyes find Ry Ry looking back at me, smiling.

We're climbing! Why am I feeling fear? I smile back and admire the view. Clouds line the horizon and the wind is wicking the sweat from beneath my helmet.

Dappled Mare, 5.8: It's a beautiful climb in the Lost Horse area; finger cracks, an underclinging crack traverse, and face features. 380ft total. My first multi-pitch climb.

I hand out slack as Ryan climbs up, placing small cams and nuts as he goes. He climbs out of view. This is like fishing. I can feel him climbing at the end of the rope, at the end of this lifeline. Wwwzzzzrrrrrh! He must be nearing the end of the climb; not much rope left.

His voice on the radio, "Kat! I'm at the top. Off belay."

Now I clean up anchor and tie in to the rope.

The underclinging crack traverse is simple enough, but the wind decided, at that moment, to revisit me and test my mental abilities. The next piece of protection is about 15ft away from me, at the end of the traverse. If I were to slip I would become a human pendulum. But this was an easy ain't-nothin' series of moves.

Until the wind gusted and I lost my nerves and a string of profanity filled the air around me. My fingers clung to the rock and I regained my balance.

It's so hard to trust yourself, to trust in the movements of your body. But without that self-trust, you cannot climb.

I cleaned the pieces Ry Ry had set, clipping them to the webbing looped around my chest. As I sucked in breath I decided that if I were to continue doing any multi-pitch climbs, I would first do some endurance training.

"I see your helmet! You're almost done!" came Ryan's cheerful voice from the second, and final, belay station.

I smiled. I smiled wide.

Bear hugs are a great way to finish off a climb: especially when the person you are hugging helped you overcome your fears and doubts with only his smile.